As someone particularly incapable at self-promotion, but still largely comfortable with mush-mouthed, wordy treatises, I’m left with kind of a ramble today. Occasionally I scour the internet for other writing opportunities — places where I might cast my dazzling, sulphurous glow upon new readers in new contexts. Often in my journeys I find things that don’t really work for me, either because of genre or limitations on word counts, or a necessary inclusion of certain products or space ponies or whatever. Other times I am scared away by any indication of an entry fee, which as someone who has taken many a voyage on these electronic seas, necessarily causes danger centres in my brain to fire and trigger my fight-or-flight responses. (Once or twice while becoming interested in a site or contest and discovering a solicitation of my precious lucre, I have actually had to physically leave the room with my wallet, so certain am I that my laptop will come snapping away at me and my money like a chattering pair of wind-up toy jaws.)
But recently I found a few places where things seemed not particularly shady, and where I have submitted my beguiling turns of phrase in hopes of showering myself with attention, and also possibly prize money. The pieces were not overly-constrained, and proved just limiting enough to present a challenge. Also they had small word count limits, which was the truest obstacle in my path. As many of you know, I have a tendency towards being verbose, and you can pry my thesaurus out of my cold, dead hands, etc etc.
Anyway. As people somewhat invested in absorbing my words into your Wernicke’s areas, like some delicious, life-sustaining pulpy syrup for your eyeballs and noggins, I present to you some gems I’ve cast out from the shore.
Comment, like, facebook, googleplus, shout from the rooftops, paste into your commemorative scrapbooks, tattoo directly onto your children’s adoring faces as you see fit.