A Brief Soliliquy on Losing

So, I come to you day slightly crestfallen, as I did not win The Big Blog Exchange. I can’t deny being slightly disappointed, but it was a battle valiantly fought, and some of the other contestants have some really cool content, and others some really dynamite motivation. So congratulations and bon voyage to them.

I lied awake at three a.m., considering that I was not getting a free trip, and feeling weird about feeling bummed. Nobody owes me this. This company is not duty-bound to fund my travel based on my mental assessments of merit. And really, this contest has always been an extrinsic reward I’ve tacked on to something I find pretty intrinsically motivating. The existence of this blog is not contingent on the creation of a contest on the internet. I will continue to travel, and will continue to write, because those are things I like doing and planned on doing anyways. A free trip to Iceland or Spain or South Africa might have been nice, but I know me, and I know that I’ll get to each of those someday. And I’ll be writing the whole time, and hope you’ll come along with me.

See you on the road.

Our Time is Nigh


The deadline approaches. Our enemies have fought bravely, have rallied on the hills, have shed their blood upon the field. We must admire their effort, particularly as they have garnered absurd amounts of votes, but still we know the truth: Stupid Ugly Foreigner must vanquish all foes.

And thus we have come to the final push. Raise the banners. Sound the bugles of war. Scream from the rooftops. Set loose your fleet of carrier pigeons. Write things in sidewalk chalk. Talk loudly on subway cars. Send annoying emails to your friends and acquaintances. Eat a banana, for energy. Throw hard-boiled eggs from the top of a ferris wheel, each detailed in a fine, delicate script. Etch the words onto the face of the new pope with fuchsia crayons. Let the world hear your mewling, plaintive cry:

“Stupid Ugly Foreigner must win the Big Blog Exchange!” Feel the beating of your heart as you shout to the heavens. Your life has led up to this moment. “Or I will throw myself off a bridge!”

No? Okay, I will not ask ritualistic suicide pacts from you, dear readers. But I will ask you (for the last time, the contest ends soonishly) to spread the word one last time. Share this link. Vote like mad. Make a facebook post, or a tweet, or a reddit thread, or a strange birdsong meme that subconsciously compels people to read my blog. Have all of your moms tell all of their mom friends and get their mom network into an internet frenzy. Reconnect with old high school chums and convert them to the cult of SUF. Join the military and convince everyone in your squadron of the glory of this blog, and why it should be rewarded with free trips and things. Find your long-lost brother on a completely different continent, reconnect over your shared love of chess and mayonnaise, cry deeply over the time you’ve lost, and then vote together in an internet contest. Become a magician, climb through a portal to a new world, defeat a great evil, become the king/queen of this strange, dangerous land, establish quality wifi (maybe Narnia or Hogwarts will get Google Fiber), have all of your centaur and fairy subjects sign up for an email, and then have them vote for me. Do whatever you can.

I will continue to be your faithful chronicler of my own big dumb awesome life. Whether here, or somewhere else. And if I win, I will be stupider, uglier, and foreignier than ever in a whole new land.

March bravely, my friends, into the great wilderness of this internet.