Neurotic as it is, I feel beholden to you already, anonymous readers on the internet. That you willingly spend your time reading my words and occasionally giving me your own is intensely flattering and makes me both bashful and giddy like a schoolchild. Thus I feel weirdly apologetic about the fact that I have to take a hiatus so soon after the recent flood of readers, subscribers, and ego-stroking praise. However, I am going on vacation right now, and also Incheon is freezing, and the place that I’m going is not, so I don’t actually feel that bad.
That said, when I return, be prepared for an onslaught of amateurish photography, and a deluge of verbiage the likes of which you have never seen, nor desired to experience. I will be stupid and foreign in whole knew countries, where my grasp on the local language and culture is even more tenuous than in Korea! I will feel foolish and new and excited and terrified all over again! You can’t wait, don’t worry, I can tell.
To tide you over until my glorious return to these internets, I bring you two gifts.
There are so many things I want to say about this video. The filming, the dubbing, the facial expressions, the way KevinBill claps twice for a really terribly violin solo. But really, the video speaks for itself. This is one of the featurettes that comes bundled with the old Korean ESL textbooks. I never had to teach with it, but many a Korean schoolchild has watched this video, sitting aghast, wondering, Are white kids really that weird?
That’s just one of the gems. Check out that user’s channel to experience the other stupendous videos.
My other bounty, for which some of you might not really care, is a series of quotations. Ever since I began working with children, I noted the frequency with which they said bizarre, amazing things. Their brains are essentially still mush, slowly coalescing into actual humanity, and thus their command of, and willingness to play with, the English language is often astonishing in its beauty and splendour and hilarity. The words that burst forth from their bewildering little faces are the sound of the universe settling, the stirring deep in your soul. Read these words and know that all is well, and also that kids apparently like saying odd things to me on a regular basis.
(Many/most are from Kindergarten aged children, I will save the various sayings I collected from older children for another such time where I feel like I owe you.)
Child: “If I had a sister I would marry her, but I do not have a sister, so I do not marry her.”
Child: “You mean bunnies that hop? Bunnies don’t hop, I’ve never seen them hop, I’ve only seen them hop once.”
Child: “I love skateboarding! When I learn how to grind, I’m going to grind all the time. My Dad is building a grinding thing in the back yard.”
Child: “What’s your favourite colour?” Me: “Blue.” Child: “Why do you like blue all the time?”
Child: “I’m using my brain! My brain is helping me.”
Me: “[Child], you will be doing your painting tomorrow.” Child: “Yay! I love doing my painting tomorrow!”
Child: “Zebra is my favourite! And giraffe.”
Child: “This is a picture of a lion sleeping with the meat. That’s not good. You shouldn’t sleep with meat.”
Child: “Stop reading! Or I’ll turn into a werewolf! The meanest wolf in the city.”
Child: “My owie hurted and then it burned and then I hurt it and now it really hurts.”
Child: “Hey, everybody! I have two shirts!”